Sunday, September 23, 2012

Thoughts on a train tide.

I am in the train at 7:21 on a Sunday with the other workerbees. Barbara once told me that I had to learn to be a worker among workers and so I am. I may be the only native English speaker in the midst. I make a mental note to brush up on my Spanish. So many things to learn in the world. Never enough time. Mike is relearning German for our trip. I suppose I should do that as well but I do not have a love for the German language. Spanish is more poetic and so much more salient in New York. I choose Spanish. And I know enough German to make a fool of myself.
The conductor is yelling at a guy on the platform to board the train as he is running to get on a car down the platform but this car is the only one with open doors.
He runs back.
You're welcome she says.
Thank you, he replies, out of breath.
Last night a guy gets in the train before it has left penn station and asks for a couple of dollars for his train fare. And no one responded. I wrapped my sweater around my heart and stared out the window at the darkness.
That's it huh? he muttered. That's it? He left the car.
It does not pay to be softhearted in the city. So many hidden dangers. In order to give this guy money I would have to un zip my bag and pull out my wallet and that would leave me exposed. So I chose safety. Today I will keep a buck in my pocket to give a busker. Someone who makes a joyful noise in the train station. Today I chose gratitude. I have graduated from forgiveness to gratitude. It has been a long journey.

Sunday, September 16, 2012