Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
poem for December 2008
It is enough
the refrain I have been cratering in my chest since a few weeks ago when I realized that it will be thirty years next month since you died
It mutters and insists and rubs against my rib cage like a cat. Not a clean sweet smelling animal but a foul breathed feline waiting to jump up onto your chest an smooch with you while you have your morning coffee or your book -or anything to which you would like to give your attention.
And now I am the old one
Sequestered in an imaginary attic spinning filaments of our history into a story that no one else can know. About walking on snow crusted so hard that it held our weight and did not leave an indent of footprints and skating on frozen back yard puddles with double bladed skates buckled onto our shoes and nursery rhymes about kittens with no mittens, spinach that really did make popeye strong, and our parents who would be home when we returned
And it is enough that I have these words spun out into the universe, like an infinite web, hanging from fragments of a life no longer retrievable, even in myth, or frozen tragic acts.
It is enough that I still see you in my skin and the expressions of the children I have raised who never knew you: who do not, and cannot, muster your memory into their consciousness because to them you never existed at all except for some figment of my mind that they had no access to.
It is enough that I know finally that I cannot go back even to some physical space that we occupied together, nor can I ever escape it.
That knowing that while you were once here, ( skating on thin ice ) with me, you are no more by my side
and even tho I keep you in my heart, still breathing the same air that you once drew, you have finally ineradicably gone and without ever meaning to or wanting to I have had to let you go, and I did not realize I was doing so until I already had.
As though to hold on to you meant I could have you back: reel in the filaments that I had spun and pull you back into safety, back to the kittens with sticky tongues and cowboy hats and red twin bedspreads, broken bicycles and barstool visitation.
But it was never so.
And now it is enough. Because it has had to be. Like some magic number has been rendered, a crossroads met, the center of the web is spun and enough fibers have been rearranged and I have amassed enough of my own corporeal weight
to be whole with out you for as much time as I have left
if only to be able occupy this lonely winter planet and try to make some peace, some art and life,
in the universe that still makes no sense without you, and which will be forever unbalanced and beautiful
like a huge icicle that dangles precariously overhead but does not ever come crashing to the waiting frozen earth
the refrain I have been cratering in my chest since a few weeks ago when I realized that it will be thirty years next month since you died
It mutters and insists and rubs against my rib cage like a cat. Not a clean sweet smelling animal but a foul breathed feline waiting to jump up onto your chest an smooch with you while you have your morning coffee or your book -or anything to which you would like to give your attention.
And now I am the old one
Sequestered in an imaginary attic spinning filaments of our history into a story that no one else can know. About walking on snow crusted so hard that it held our weight and did not leave an indent of footprints and skating on frozen back yard puddles with double bladed skates buckled onto our shoes and nursery rhymes about kittens with no mittens, spinach that really did make popeye strong, and our parents who would be home when we returned
And it is enough that I have these words spun out into the universe, like an infinite web, hanging from fragments of a life no longer retrievable, even in myth, or frozen tragic acts.
It is enough that I still see you in my skin and the expressions of the children I have raised who never knew you: who do not, and cannot, muster your memory into their consciousness because to them you never existed at all except for some figment of my mind that they had no access to.
It is enough that I know finally that I cannot go back even to some physical space that we occupied together, nor can I ever escape it.
That knowing that while you were once here, ( skating on thin ice ) with me, you are no more by my side
and even tho I keep you in my heart, still breathing the same air that you once drew, you have finally ineradicably gone and without ever meaning to or wanting to I have had to let you go, and I did not realize I was doing so until I already had.
As though to hold on to you meant I could have you back: reel in the filaments that I had spun and pull you back into safety, back to the kittens with sticky tongues and cowboy hats and red twin bedspreads, broken bicycles and barstool visitation.
But it was never so.
And now it is enough. Because it has had to be. Like some magic number has been rendered, a crossroads met, the center of the web is spun and enough fibers have been rearranged and I have amassed enough of my own corporeal weight
to be whole with out you for as much time as I have left
if only to be able occupy this lonely winter planet and try to make some peace, some art and life,
in the universe that still makes no sense without you, and which will be forever unbalanced and beautiful
like a huge icicle that dangles precariously overhead but does not ever come crashing to the waiting frozen earth
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
cute hat from KidsKnits.com
Another finish!! Mike likes his new hat. This is my first hat, my first stranded knitting project and I like it! Flaws and all. Next time I will not lose the instructions right before I start the decrease.
much ado about buttons
From the ordinary to the sublime, or at least sparkly. Shall I count this as a WIP to cross off my list?
bought these buttons at my for from local yarn store specifically for this jacket, a boiled wool llbean birthday gift from Mike's mom to me. A change in buttons gives a huge lift to this otherwise staid and somber jacket. Maybe I will add some cuffs as well, a ruffle here and there. Maybe not. Would likely clash with my fuscia gloves.
The picture does not do justice to the buttons.The centers are coral, rust and tan, and there are little robins egg blue beads along the outer edge. swoon.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Inklingoing again~in snowflake mode
I am done with my third block, on the right, which I did mainly on the machine, as opposed to hand piecing and I must tell you that the hand pieced blocks came out better. I ran out of diamonds , or misplaced three , or miscalculated when I was printing and had to substitute some other fabric, so this one may or may not make the final cut, whenever that happens. For so many reasons.
I actually think I like to sew together the diamonds on the machine, two at a time, like leader enders, and add the squares and triangles by hand. Or maybe I like the way they look sewn by hand better. I like to see the stitches. It is fascinating to me how many ways there are to do things.
Today I may get around to finishing Mikes hat and the add the tris onto the block and post a picture or three later on if Mike does not decide that he wants to take the train to the city and go to the museum of natural history. Or something. +++not+++thought better of it. Will rest one more day while I can.
for mac users: did you know if you place your cursor over a word-just let it sit there- and hold the ctrl key,and press the click bar, you will get a spelling menu? cool eh?
Ok now I am going to go and sew some things and look up doll outfits for the doll. I hope the lack of enthusiasm for her, if comments are an indication, will not be the same in the recipient. But I will never know!!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Deepak in Time
Good article in time magazine. I am a fan of Deepak Chopra.
I am listening to my body today, which told me to stay off of my foot. In a fairly loud and painful way. So I will stitch and b(&*^h about it. I am tired of being in pain and I guess I will have to go to another doctor. 11 months is enough to be in so much pain. grr.
So i did go the podiatrist and got more xrays and ultra sound which confirmed bursitis as well as a huge bone spur. He gave me a cortisone shot and said I will have to have three more and physical therapy (to retrain the foot how to walk right?) (I have been compensating and unbalanced myself) ( I knew I was unbalanced). He also told me to get a different kind of orthotic and I picked them up on the way home.
And he said not to go bare foot. Ever. Which is entirely opposed to the doctor who told me to go barefoot as much as possible. But not a problem since the floor hurts my bare feet any way.
SO I am hoping for good results. I need for this pain to be over. It is not fun.
I am listening to my body today, which told me to stay off of my foot. In a fairly loud and painful way. So I will stitch and b(&*^h about it. I am tired of being in pain and I guess I will have to go to another doctor. 11 months is enough to be in so much pain. grr.
So i did go the podiatrist and got more xrays and ultra sound which confirmed bursitis as well as a huge bone spur. He gave me a cortisone shot and said I will have to have three more and physical therapy (to retrain the foot how to walk right?) (I have been compensating and unbalanced myself) ( I knew I was unbalanced). He also told me to get a different kind of orthotic and I picked them up on the way home.
And he said not to go bare foot. Ever. Which is entirely opposed to the doctor who told me to go barefoot as much as possible. But not a problem since the floor hurts my bare feet any way.
SO I am hoping for good results. I need for this pain to be over. It is not fun.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
doll
Doll (pattern by Oat Couture) is finished except for some weaving in of ends, etc. Now I can move on to some socks. I have named her Esmerelda but her new owner may name her what ever she likes. I still have to make her some clothes. But I think she is rather cute. I may give her some eyelashes but eyebrows made her look too serious, so I unstitched them.
Her hair is wool I spun on a spindle-my first attempt, and it is blue.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
incremental bits
These are the projects on my work bench...the doll is incognito, because she has not got her wig yet, or her head, for that matter.
The snowflake is block number two and I did print out a bunch more-to be worked upon incrementally. I needed to print out the back round bits.
Ping is Pingdigo? because I used indigo instead of the taupes sent by Pinwheels. Just a whim. And I like the result. I have joined Tilde for a thread a day toward finishing. Pumpkin Pecan Pie for dessert!
My birthday!
I just ordered this for my birthday!
After I voted. If you have not voted then please do. I was very disappointed, when talking to some of the young people that I work with, to find that they were not registered to vote. All I can say is what a waste. Actually I could say a great deal more and I am so sorry that I was unable to convince them to exercise their privilege to vote. I am amazed that young, intelligent, educated people are so mired in ennui. Ah well, use it or lose it. My vote is on record.
No big plans for my birthday. Maybe an eclair later on and my daughter Jen said she will stop by. For now I am going to finish my snowflake block! And maybe begin another.
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